Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
