How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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