Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
