Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
