Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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