He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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