hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
