I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
