well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
