you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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