I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Randomize
