Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
