FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
