Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
