So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
