I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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