you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
