some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
