RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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