I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
