either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
