I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
