remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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