I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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