the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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