I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
