im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
