I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
