Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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