guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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