girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
