Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
