It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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