She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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