Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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