none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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