Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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