No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
