I wish you could order shots online.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will be naked everywhere
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
