she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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