Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
