I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
