Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
