can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
