The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
