he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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