just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
