dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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