Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
