i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
