i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were destined to go to rehab together
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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