Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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