Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
